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WE GO THERE

We Go There. By Waxon

A Safe Space for You and Your Vagina

Let's talk about sex, baby!

April 28, 2020

Let’s talk about sex, baby! 

Let’s talk about sex! Today, we’re delving into the world of sexual intercourse. But rather than covering the basics, we’re answering those questions that women are often too afraid to ask themselves, their friends, or even their doctors. From easing into anal sex to female ejaculation, keep reading to discover all there is to know about these sexy, hot button issues. 

Q: Is it possible to have multiple orgasms? 

A: We could not be happier (or prouder of the female body, to be honest) to confirm that yes, it is possible to have multiple orgasms. Women have the ability to come anywhere between one and FIVE TIMES in a single session from different types of stimulation (pretty amazing, right?). Some studies even believe women are capable of having more orgasms than this. The reason for this is biological. When it comes to orgasms and ejaculation, men really drew the short end of the stick. Vaginas have a shorter refractory period (also known as recovery time) than penises. Almost immediately following an orgasm, women’s bodies send out neurotransmitters that help it stabilize. Once stable (which in some cases can be a matter of minutes, or even seconds), women are prepped and ready for orgasm #2.  

Q: Is squirting normal?  

A: Yes, yes, and (one more time for the people at the back), YES! Squirting, otherwise known as female ejaculation, is totally normal and absolutely nothing to be ashamed of! (In fact, we kind of secretly love that it’s not only men who can ejaculate.) And according to multiple studies conducted on the topic, the majority of women have squirted while having sex. One study found 54% of women had experienced ejaculation at least once, while another found a whopping 69% had ejaculated during orgasm. Where does the fluid come from, you might be wondering? It actually comes from the urethra and is different from the fluid that lubricates the vagina (this originates in the cervix). During sexual arousal or orgasm is when women most often ejaculate. For those that have never experienced it, you can expect it to be odorless, milky in colour, and taste sweet (there’s a reason it was nicknamed the “nectar of the gods” in ancient India). On the flip side, not squirting is also totally normal, so you shouldn’t put any pressure on yourself (nor should you be feeling any pressure from your partner) to ejaculate during sex. The reality is that many women ejaculate and simply don’t even notice, or conversely, it’s also possible for the ejaculate to flow backwards into the bladder rather than leave the body.  

Q: Is it possible to be too "tight" for sex?  

A: If you’ve ever experienced pain during penetrative sex, you may have wondered whether your vagina is too “tight.” In most cases, the size of your vagina has absolutely nothing to do with it. Mainly because the size of a woman’s vagina fluctuates throughout her life. Did you know that the vagina actually expands and elongates during sex? That’s right, when a woman is aroused, her vagina becomes longer and wider, in addition to releasing a natural lubricant.  

However, there are several reasons why a woman may experience pain during sex. The most common reason women experience pain during sex is actually due to dryness. Sometimes you just need a little more foreplay to get you going, other times the dryness could be a result of medication you’re on. Either way, using lube should definitely be your first course of action.  

Our vaginas are actually a sling of muscles that serve many functions and like other parts of our body, these muscles can get tight, tense, overactive and even stressed out and tired.  This can lead to things feeling “tight”. 

For some women, these muscles actually become like bouncers at a club and won’t let anything in.  It is a condition called vaginismus and even inserting a tampon can be almost impossible. The whole area goes on lockdown.  Birth, physical or emotional trauma can cause this unfortunate condition to set in.  In this case, a woman is absolutely too tight for sex but there are many treatment options. Pelvic physiotherapists are a successful resource to look to. 

On the less extreme spectrum, pelvic floor muscles can be tight but penetrative sex is still feasible.  This is most often seen after a woman has given birth and the area hasn’t fully recovered. 85% of women actually report pain with their first penetrative sexual encounter after childbirth.  This is especially true if she experienced a tear or episiotomy.  Some gentle stretching or perineal massage to your pelvic floor can improve matters greatly to ready the area for sex. 

Being “tight” is common for many women, but the vagina is actually extremely stretchable (after all, it’s made for a baby’s head to fit through it). So if you do have painful sex, know that there are solutions to help you get back to the pleasure and climax that sex is meant to be. 

Q: I’m interested in trying anal sex. How do I ease into it?  

A: First thing’s first, why is anal sex still considered taboo in society? Anal, like oral or penetrative sex, is about pleasure. And there is nothing shameful about wanting to explore your own sexual desires. In fact, some studies have shown that orgasms from anal sex can actually be more intense than those from other types of sex. We don’t know about you, but that sounds pretty great to us! If you’re sold on anal sex but aren’t sure where to start, we recommend the following.  

  1. Communicate with your partner. Discuss any fears or expectations you have in advance and make sure you’re on the same page. 2. Relax your body. Learning how to relax your anal muscles is key. Just so you know what you’re aiming for, try tightening your glutes (kind of like you would your kegels), and releasing. If you need help relaxing, try taking a bath or even meditating beforehand. 3. Use plenty of lubrication (Try South Sex H20). Even if you don’t typically use lube during sex, it is pretty much a requirement during anal. Unlike the vagina, the anus does not produce its own natural lubricant, so without lube it’s guaranteed to be dry and uncomfortable. 4. Take it slow. Anal sex is not a race. Give both of yourselves time to get acquainted with these new sensations. Engage in a little anal foreplay to start, before (slowly) inserting the tip and beyond.  

One final word on anal sex: Even though anal eliminates the risk of pregnancy, STIs are still a possibility, so be safe! Bacteria is also an issue with the anus, so if you’re switching from anal back to vaginal sex, always remember to remove and replace the condom. Your hands, your partner’s penis, or any sex toys you’re using should also be washed promptly after.  

 

 


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